It is generally assumed that boys and girls must be inculcated with conceptions of masculinity and femininity, respectively. “Real” men are usually expected to like sports, to not walk away from fights, to lead women, to wear certain kinds of clothes and to shun other kinds, to want sex often, to get married and to father and raise their children, etc.

A belief in conceptions of manhood and womanhood that are strictly defined and confined by narrow gender roles is problematic, to say the very least. Not only does such a mindset crush individuality and individual happiness, but it fosters bigotry and intolerance, and makes the world a bleaker place.

In many societies, rigidly enforced gender roles determine the destiny of musicians. Girls are expected to play instruments such as flutes, violins, violas, cellos, etc. Boys are expected to play drums, guitars, saxophones, trumpets, trombones, etc. In Africa, a woman playing drums, especially traditional African drums such as congas and bongos, is practically unheard of. In many cases, men are expected to sing bass, baritone, second tenor, etc. while women are expected to sing soprano.

Happily, not everyone buys into these stereotypical notions. Soul singer Chaka Khan is a fantastic drummer. Percussionist Evelyn Glennie of Scotland is one of the world’s leading classical musicians. Percussionist Sheila E. considers herself to be the best drummer in the world, and she just might be.

Multi-instrumentalists such as Meshell Ndegeocello and Esperanza Spaulding are setting the world on fire with their talent. Vocally, males singing first tenor, falsetto, etc. have been making great music for years. Phil Bailey of Earth Wind, and Fire, Michael Jackson, Robin Thicke, Eddie Kendricks, Prince, Phil Perry, El Debarge, Eric Benet and numerous other male singers have thrilled the music world for years.

Conceptions of manhood and womanhood always seem to lead to the oppression of women. From childhood, such is the case. The color blue is thrust upon boys and the color pink is foisted upon girls. According to some scholars, blue represents heaven and is associated with rationality. Pink supposedly represents the menstrual cycle in women and is associated with the earth and emotion.

Boys are simply expected to play with soldiers, and girls are simply expected to play with dolls. Should they deviate one iota from what is expected of them, they might find their parents worrying excessively about their gender.

Moreover, they could be victimized by the bullying of their peers.

As boys grow older, conceptions of manhood become increasingly sexist. “Real” men are expected to be promiscuous “dogs” pursuing sex from “bitches” and “hoes.” In some communities, pimps are glorified and “real” men are expected to make (but not support) babies. (Indeed, it should not be surprising to hear men refer to their genitals as their “manhood.”)

Some older boys also come to see the owning and carrying of guns and the use of deadly force as examples of true manhood. In many communities, a trip to prison is seen as a rite of passage and a badge of manly honor. Bullet scars are displayed with pride, as though they are military medals.

Most importantly, “real” men must not have sex with other men. However, even this criterion is being challenged in the popular culture. More male athletes are coming out of the closet and greeted by supporters from among their peers.

In 2012, Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brandon Ayanbadejo -a heterosexual- donated two game tickets to a fundraiser for the defense of same-sex marriages. Maryland politician Emmett C. Burns bitterly complained and told the athlete to stick to football. However, Chris Kluwe, punter for the Minnesota Vikings, rushed to Ayanbadejo’s defense.

Moreover, the Ravens’ team president assured Ayanbadejo that the team supported him. GQ magazine dubbed Ayanbadejo and Kluwe “Honorary Gays of the Year.” (December 2012, p. 207)

In the world of professional mixed martial arts, many athletes say they would have no problem competing against gay men. In boxing, Orlando Cruz, 31, a Puerto Rican featherweight, came out in October. His opponent, Jorge Pazos said, “I have to win whether he is gay or not. He made a decision [to come out] and I respect him for that.” (USA TODAY, “Coming Out A Relief: In macho sport, Cruz wrestled with decision to reveal preference,” October 19, 2012, p. 12C. )

In new-school R&B and hip-hop, there are positive changes taking place. Jay-Z has come out in support of same-sex marriages. R&B singer Frank Ocean revealed a sexual relationship he had with a male. Most of the responses to his revelation were positive, including support from rapper 50 Cent, who, ironically, has been accused of being homophobic.

The world would be a better place without conceptions of manhood or womanhood. What is of importance is a conception of adulthood. Adults, regardless of their sex, should strive to be wise, responsible and courageous. Parents should protect and raise their children.

No human being should feel obligated to wear his or her hair a certain length, to like sports, to deny his or her sexual orientation, to marry and have children, to mistreat his or her fellow human beings, to inflict violence upon others to demonstrate machismo, to embrace or shun certain musical instruments or singing styles, etc.

Genuine adults should feel comfortable in their own skins without feeling compelled to be enslaved by their own cultures and societies in the name of manhood or womanhood. Females and males should be free to pursue happiness in their own way, all the while striving to be the best adults they can be.